WHEN I was in school I used to dread Monday. That’s was the day when my English teacher would ask that chilling question, “Where is your essay?” I have never been that conscientious in doing my homework, especially writing essays. So I would approach that fateful day with trepidation. It was the day when I have to hand over some hastily penned scripts or to come up with creative new lies, especially when I ran out of the so-called sick relatives. Of course since I was young I knew that it was wrong to tell lies. In this case it was made even more reprehensible because the lies were told to cover up my negligence and failure to commitment.

I was brought up in the pious environment of a Catholic Mission (my mother was the cook and housekeeper for the Catholic priests in the Mission) and was taught to take our responsibilities and commitments seriously. Then there was the issue of committing sins and going to hell, not to say the pang of conscience which hung like a pall of dark cloud. So for years I suffered what I considered as the silent divine rebuke for the shortcomings of my young days.

I have tried all my life to face up to this demon of tardiness and procrastination, and with limited success. So consequently I suffered the pain of having my guilty conscience gnawing at me constantly. For years I had this huge chip on my shoulder. I convinced myself I could never be a citizen of note because of my personal deficiency In fact had it not been for my fear of pain and that I don’t live in a country with a tradition of self flagellation for repentance, I would have long ago flayed my back to shreds. Such was the weight of guilt on me.

Then quite suddenly this weight was lifted from my back when I realised that what I considered as a personal deficiency, of “not doing my homework”, is in fact that I am not the only one afflicted by this malady.

In August 2007 a national daily reported that the Court of Appeal registry’s records revealed that a former High Court judge did not write grounds of judgment in over 30 criminal and civil cases, including three criminal cases which carried the death penalty. There is even suggestion that this was not an isolated case, that there were other men whom we hold in the highest regard, whom we have to address with the greatest deference, men whom we regard as the paragon of justice and the pillars of the society, are not beyond doing the very school boy thing of “not doing the homework”.

My first reaction when hearing this news was that, “Wow! I have been hanging my head in remorse all these years for nothing.” I was in good company. I began to feel not so bad about being tardy and even about not doing my assignments. For a while I almost believe that it was okay not to live up to one’s commitments, that one need not take responsibility or being accountable for one’s delinquency.

Then I had a chance to talk to my old teacher. Yes, the very selfsame one who asked about my homework, and he quickly brought me down to earth. “Don’t foster that idea.” I think he meant being not accountable for one’s action and about not accepting responsibility and all that.

Imagine how difficult our task would be if the students were to ape the attitude of these ‘men of honour’. Being a good teacher he related to me some recent examples of men who took their responsibilities and duties seriously and honourably.

In September last year, Japan’s new agriculture minister resigned only a week after his appointment because of a scandal involving misuse of farm subsidies. Takehiko Endo, who took office barely a week before that admitted that a farm cooperative he headed had received government subsidies by exaggerating weather damage to the 1999 grape harvest. He admitted that his farm cooperative had received 1.15 million yen (RM32,000) in government subsidies by exaggerating crop damage due to weather.

Then more recently, in July 2008 France’s army chief, Bruno Cuche, resigned following a weekend military show in which 16 people were shot and wounded when real bullets were mistakenly used instead of blanks. Cuche said his decision to resign was a direct response to the incident. “As the military chief, I must fully accept my responsibilities.” The Defence Minister, Herve Morin, praised Cuche, describing him as “a man with a conscience” who had made the decision to resign and had not been forced out.

“You were right to feel bad about not doing your homework. Frailty, after all, is the nature of men and women. Given a chance most of us would take the easy way out, but what keeps us on even keel and make us worthy citizens is integrity and taking our responsibility seriously,” said my old teacher.

I cannot help but agreed with him and I am pleased to say such virtues have been loudly espoused by no less a person than our very own Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi. In a speech delivered at the World Ethics and Integrity Forum 2005 he said, “… Ethics and integrity are important to us as individuals because they define who we are. Yet, ethics and integrity cannot be the subject of legislation, neither can they be taught per se, but instead must evolve in our cultural setting, in our value system, and in the way we relate to others in society. This makes the promotion of ethics and integrity intangible and difficult to pursue, although they remain some of the most critical attributes that must be imbued throughout society.”

The writer can be contacted at desee@pc.jaring.my